sapphire_child: (untouchable; dw; ten/rose)
[personal profile] sapphire_child
Title: Tea and biscuits (don’t always make things better)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating/warnings: PG
Genre: hurt/comfort, angst
Character/s: Rose/Ten
Spoilers: know that Mickey travelled with them in early season two? Then you’re good.
Summary: Rose searches the TARDIS, cup of tea in hand, determined to make the Doctor feel better. A packet of biscuits is shared, a surprising revelation about the Doctor’s relationship with Reinette is dropped and in the end it’s hard to tell exactly who is more upset. Episode tag to “Girl in the Fireplace”.
Disclaimer: Doctor Who and all it’s associated characters/situations etc do not belong to me, I’m just borrowing them for now.

~*~

Having travelled with him for what must’ve been more than year now, Rose had discovered most of the Doctor’s favourite hiding places on the TARDIS. Okay so truthfully they weren’t tremendously hard to find because when he was feeling down he always seemed to return to the same haunts. In his previous body it had usually been underneath the console – nowadays he seemed to favour the library.

Right now the console room was empty and Rose hesitated only a moment to peer around the time rotor before she padded back into the endless corridors, mug of tea in hand. It wasn’t a long trip to the library but she didn’t exactly hurry herself – her steps were measured, almost hesitant, and before she descended one of the TARDIS’s tight spiral staircases she stopped altogether to check that the forcefield across the top of the mug was holding.

They really were brilliant those mugs. Just press a button and you couldn’t spill its contents no matter how you tried. Press it again and the forcefield disappeared like magic. The first time she’d gone to use one she’d accidentally pressed the button and it had taken a good five minutes before the Doctor took pity on her, stopped laughing and showed her how to use it properly.

Several corridors later Rose stepped over the threshold of the cavernous library, tea still in hand and her free hand brushing her hair back from her eyes.

Much like the rest of the ship, the domed ceiling in the library was supported by coral struts and a muted amber glow came from the many overhead lights. The bookshelves were a curious mixture of the same porous coral as the struts and what appeared to be a dark stained wood. As well as wrapping completely around the edge of the room there were also several wings of shelves, many of which followed the line of the struts before snaking towards the centre of the library like a maze, creating snug little alcoves with squashy armchairs. In some places the shelves went up so high that even if Rose had a desire to try and read any of the tomes in here she wouldn’t have been able to reach them.

The best spot in the library was in the very back corner on the right hand side. It was the only corner in the whole place that boasted a fireplace and the Doctor kept his first edition copies of all the Harry Potter books there – amongst various other very important pieces of literature from all over the universe as well of course. If he was going to be anywhere in the library he would be there.

Luckily the floor in the library broke all conventions of uniformity with the rest of the ship by sporting plush carpet in the darkest of greens. This made sneaking up on the Doctor a much easier task than in many other parts of the ship where the grating on the floors clattered and creaked at the most inopportune moments.

Rose began to carefully wend her way through the shelves, her trainers silent as she dodged around the occasional lamp or haphazard stack of books until she reached the far side of the library. She saw him before he heard her – a rarity even with the muffling effect of the carpet – and it took her a moment to realise what he was doing.

He was down to his shirtsleeves – practically naked for him – and he was staring down at a piece of paper, a letter by the looks of it. He was very still, completely focused on the correspondence in his hand and Rose felt a hot flash of embarrassment at finding him engaged in a moment that was clearly meant to be something private. She turned abruptly to leave before he noticed her but in her haste she ran elbow first into a very solid high backed chair.

She gritted her teeth, trying to hold in her grunt of pain but apparently was not successful. There was a startled rustle from behind her and then a tentative call of “Rose?”

She sighed heavily through her nose and then turned to see the Doctor peering at her from between the shelves that led to his hidden corner. “Did you run into that chair again?” he asked her despairingly but at her exasperated look he quickly changed his tack. “No wait – better question. Why are you sneaking around in here like that? Were you looking for me?”

“Just thought you might like a cuppa.” Rose said stiltingly, gesturing awkwardly with the mug.

The Doctor’s eyes dropped to the mug in her hands and when he met her gaze again his eyes glowed with warmth.

“I’d murder one actually.” he said beckoning her towards him. “Three sugars?”

“Course there’s three sugars!” Rose said indignantly as she made her way over and the Doctor grinned in apology as he settled back onto the couch. Rose followed him and as she set his mug down she noticed that the letter he’d been reading had disappeared. The Doctor said nothing as he deactivated the forcefield on the mug with casual ease and blew carefully across the surface of the tea.

Rose looked on awkwardly, unsure of whether he wanted company or not. He wasn’t making eye contact and that was usually a dead give away that he wanted to spend a bit of time alone. Or that he was trying very hard to avoid conversation at the very least.

“Should I…?” Rose squeaked then cleared her throat as he glanced up at her with a smooth expression on his face. “I mean, d’you want me to go or…?”

“No it’s probably better if you stay.” the Doctor said, absently retrieving his pinstriped jacket from the back of the sofa and digging through the pockets as he spoke. “I could use a bit of company and in any case…ha!” he withdrew a half eaten packet of chocolate biscuits with a triumphant smile. “I don’t think I should eat all of these to myself. I’ve already gone through half the packet.”

Rose shook her head, laughing at him, and gratefully took a seat, toeing her trainers off before curling her legs underneath herself and reaching for a biscuit. The tension she had been feeling had all but dissipated. “How long’ve those biscuits been in your pocket for?”

The Doctor shrugged as he dunked his biscuit in his tea before throwing the whole thing into his mouth. “Durro.” he said thoughtfully around the soggy chocolate mush.

“Eurgh – close your mouth when you’re eating would you?” Rose pulled a face. “I don’t need to see your half chewed up food.”

The Doctor swallowed, completely unperturbed and reached for the packet again. “Sorry. You know I have a feeling I might have taken them from the staff room at Deffry Vale?”

“The school with the Krillitane’s?” Rose guessed.

“Mmn.” the Doctor drowned another biscuit and Rose reached for her second as he scoffed it down.

“Can I…?” Rose nodded at his tea and the Doctor grunted affirmatively, nudging the mug over so that she too could dunk her biscuit.

“So where’s Mickey then?” the Doctor queried blandly as he set to what must have been at least his fourth or fifth biscuit.

“We found that room with all the old pinball machines and that Draig gaming system.” Rose rolled her eyes and a knowing smile touched the Doctor’s lips. “I reckon he’ll be in there for hours yet so I just left him to it.”

“Probably a wise move,” the Doctor agreed. “The way that early twenty-first century human males are with their gaming systems we’ll be lucky if we never see him again.”

“Ever.” Rose corrected absently.

“Did I say never?” the Doctor said mildly. “That was rude of me.”

“You must be feeling better.” Rose observed. “You’re even starting to insult Mickey again.”

“That’s a sign of me being in a good mood is it?” the Doctor grinned suddenly. “You know I suppose it is. You know what I most like about Mickey? He almost always bites back. I got in some real corkers back when I first met him. Course I had a sharper tongue then...”

“Git.” Rose said idly but she couldn’t help but smile. “You really are rude sometimes.”

“And arrogant?” he added. “Self centred, controlling, egotistical…”

“Yeah them too.” she teased him then grew serious. “I’m glad you’re feeling better though. After before.”

“Oh,” he looked surprised. “I am a little bit yes. The tea helps,” he admitted. “And the biscuits.”

“Not the company?”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at her. “Well that just goes without saying doesn’t it?”

Rose rolled her eyes at him and reached for another biscuit. “Well yeah but it’s still nice to hear it from time to time.”

The Doctor laughed a little and they sat in easy silence, slowly working their way through the remaining biscuits. By the time they were down to the last two, Rose had finally worked up the nerve to ask, “So who was the letter from?”

She hadn’t meant the question to sound so blunt but as soon as the words left her mouth the Doctor stilled so suddenly and so completely that he could’ve been turned to stone. “Sorry,” she said hastily. “I didn’t mean…you don’t have to tell…” she was still scrambling for words when the Doctor spoke.

“It was from Reinette.” he admitted quietly and Rose stayed very, very still. “Her lover – the King of France gave it to me.”

Rose bit her lip. Did that mean…?

“But…why him?” she asked falteringly. “Why couldn’t she…?”

“She died.” he said bluntly and Rose felt suddenly winded, like she’d just taken a heavy blow to the stomach. “She waited for me.” the Doctor continued softly and Rose raised a thumbnail to her mouth and set it against her teeth to stop her lip from trembling. “All those years she waited for me and I came too late…”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Rose said instantly, her voice thick against her thumb. “You couldn’t control when the time windows…”

“I know.” the Doctor interrupted her, his voice firm but not angry. “It’s just…how can I even explain what it was like? I saw her grow from a child to a woman in less time than it would take you to brush your teeth Rose. And a few hours after I met her she’d lived out most of her life without me. I hadn’t even known her a full day when I watched her leave Versailles in a coffin.”

They sat there a moment, the Doctor running one finger along the rim of his empty mug in front of him and Rose curled up in the corner of the couch, awkwardly poised with her thumb pressed against her lips.

“M’sorry.” Rose mumbled, honestly not knowing what else she could say.

The Doctor shook his head – not dismissing her, just pre-empting his own thoughts. “You want to know what the worst part is?”

Rose said nothing, afraid that either way she wasn’t going to like the answer. After a moment the Doctor turned to face her and Rose’s heart ached. He’d never looked so old in this body – so tired. It was a look that she had always hated seeing on him. She shifted so that she might reach out for him but before she could he spoke again.

“The same thing is going to happen to you one day. Human beings…” he turned away from her as if he could no longer bear to look at her straight on. “Your lives are so tiny, so fragile…and even if you live to be a hundred years that’s just…it’s nothing to a Time Lord. The blink of an eye.”

That just-punched-in-the-guts sensation was returning again. Rose blinked back a sudden blur of tears and the Doctor instantly rounded on her when he heard her begin to snuffle, preparing to suppress an all out sob.

“I’ve upset you.” he said bleakly. “Oh Rose. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean…”

He moved with swift familiarity, folding his thin arms strong around her back and tucking her blonde head firmly underneath his chin with his hand. Rose clung to him and shuffled closer on the couch, hiccuping against his shirt, her tears darkening the blue and brown of his satin tie.

After a time his arms loosened from her shoulders and his hands moved to cradle her blonde head steadily. Rose relaxed her grip a little too as he pulled back just enough to be able to press his mouth to her forehead in a lingering kiss. Rose hiccuped once more and then took in a long, steadying breath.

The heady scent of him calmed her but also made her feel slightly dizzy as it always did when he held her like this. For a man who knew every avoidance technique in the book and then some, he had the most amazing ability to make her feel almost completely overwhelmed by him granting her his full and undivided attention.

“No.” he breathed suddenly and Rose’s lips parted, a silent echo on her lips that she couldn’t remember forming in her mind first. His breath was cool against her skin as he continued, “No more of this.”

And suddenly he disappeared. Rose blinked her eyes open in confusion and for a moment she was lost, completely disorientated without his arms around her.

Then cool fingers touched the back of her wrist, traced the side of her hand and then slid sideways across her palm. Rose instinctively tightened her hold and looked up at him. She was only mildly surprised to see that in the split second she’d spent dazedly wondering where he was he’d slipped his pinstriped jacket back on again. He barely even had to tug at her hand before she was rising with him, nudging her toes back into her trainers.

“I think we should go somewhere fabulous!” he said, his voice lifting excitedly with every word that he spoke, the pace of his feet faster with every step that he took to lead her out of the library. Rose began to breathe heavily as what had started out as a mere run turned into a game that was almost frantic in its intensity. “Somewhere impressive…” a game of tag between the book stacks “…somewhere beautiful…” leapfrog over a row of footrests “…and fantastic! Somewhere with dancing and music and beaches and two suns…” a moment of hide and seek every time his long body disappeared around the corner of a bookshelf “…and – oh yes! Yes, yes, yes I know just the place to take you Rose Tyler…”

Run, run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch us, we’re…

“Wait!” Rose stopped abruptly as they reached the entrance to the library. The Doctor nearly pulled her over before he realised she’d actually stopped and Rose realised dimly that in the whole game he hadn’t once let go of her hand. “Doctor stop a sec would you?”

He eyed the doorway and then set his mouth beseechingly, still tugging lightly at her hand as though it might prompt her to move. “But if we hurry we could still make the end of the…”

“This thing still travels in time yeah?” Rose reminded him and he looked somewhat mollified. “I just wanted to say…it won’t be so bad for you and me yeah?”

The Doctor’s brow furrowed deeply. “How d’you mean?”

“It’s just…it’ll be slower with me won’t it?” Rose said, desperately hoping that she wasn’t digging herself into another hole. “Still got another sixty years in me at least. Eighty if I’m really lucky.”

The Doctor looked suddenly pained. “Rose…”

“And you’ll get to see me every day yeah?” she pressed on bravely. “Not just every couple of years like with Reinette. You won’t even notice me gettin’ older. Not really.”

The Doctor was silent for a moment and then his eyes dropped to their joined hands and he mumbled something.

Rose frowned and leant in. “Sorry?”

The Doctor’s gaze darted up to meet hers, his thumb pressing tight across the back of her wrist and he repeated his own words in a hollow voice. “I think that’s what frightens me the most.”

And even though Rose opened her mouth to respond, any words she might’ve said died long before they ever reached her tongue.

Date: 2009-07-16 03:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] helygen.livejournal.com
Oh wow. Heart = break

This is gorgeous, but so, so sad :'(

Date: 2009-07-17 02:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapphire-child.livejournal.com
I always seem to go for the epic, doomed ships and then latch onto the angst - it's a dangerous habit really.

Ta

Date: 2009-07-16 04:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pacejunkie.livejournal.com
So that's how it works, I request a fic from you and moments later one appears. :D I'm going to try that more often.

What a lovely treat this was. Funny that I just saw SR/GitF this week and I always love the synergy of those two eps with the Doctor seeing people grow old and die so quickly all the time. I wanted that conversation with Rose to continue then and you did a lovely job here, all the while capturing his bipolar nature going from depressed and open to happy again and shutting himself back down, running from everything. Love the library too, I hope we someday get to see more rooms in the TARDIS.

Date: 2009-07-17 02:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapphire-child.livejournal.com
LOL. I've been trying to finish this one for a while actually. You've just got very good timing apparently :D

I've got such a clear picture of how I see the TARDIS library after writing this. Every other fic I've read in the library hasn't really described the surroundings and for some reason whenever I read a story set in there I kept seeing the characters in a room much like the Gryffindor common room XP so it was a lot of fun to create this space and describe it.

Date: 2009-07-16 09:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alex-caligari.livejournal.com
You think that it's going to end with something reassuring and happy, and everyone will just continue on their merry way. But those last two paragraphs are just chilling. Much love to scary!Ten.

Date: 2009-07-17 02:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapphire-child.livejournal.com
I was very tempted to have a happy ending but unfortunately my muse is a mean little bugger who insisted on the angst. At least I didn't do what she originally suggested which was to have Mickey interrupt them XP oh the tropes!

Thank you - I really like the last bit too :)

Date: 2009-07-16 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] klb89.livejournal.com
Heartbreaking.

Date: 2009-07-17 02:11 pm (UTC)

Date: 2009-07-16 11:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalleah.livejournal.com
Wow. How very, pointedly, appropriate in tone for them, particularly this:

For a man who knew every avoidance technique in the book and then some, he had the most amazing ability to make her feel almost completely overwhelmed by him granting her his full and undivided attention.

Date: 2009-07-17 02:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapphire-child.livejournal.com
I'm glad I got them in this. I really love how Rose just keeps digging herself into a hole - she really has no idea how to deal with what's happened but she's still trying desperately to make things better for the Doctor. Bless.

And I imagine that holding the Doctor's full attention could be quite an awe inspiring feeling. Seriously, he never sits still.

Date: 2009-07-17 12:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ageless-aislynn.livejournal.com
Oh, that was heartbreaking but so good as well! The final two paragraphs hit particularly hard. :(

In a lighter tone, I loved the no-spill mug (really need one of those myself ;) ). Great work, I enjoyed it all! :D ♥!

Date: 2009-07-17 02:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapphire-child.livejournal.com
I'm glad I ended it where and I did and how I did. I kept on writing more then deleting it and finally decided that no I liked it exactly where it was and it needed to wrap up there without...well, really wrapping things up.

Funnily enough that no spill mug was one of the first things about this fic I wrote! I want one too ;)

wow...

Date: 2009-07-18 02:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] susanb03.livejournal.com
that was really something...thanks for sharing

Re: wow...

Date: 2009-07-18 08:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapphire-child.livejournal.com
Thank you for reading :)

Date: 2010-04-12 05:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] saun.livejournal.com
Another wonderful piece. Lucky me to have come sort of late to the game. I get lots of wonderful ficlettes. No waiting! :-D

Date: 2010-04-12 06:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sapphire-child.livejournal.com
Lol, lucky me too getting a whole load of reviews in one fell swoop! Thanks for reading :D

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