Something Unexpected - PG
Mar. 13th, 2008 05:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sapphire_childTitle: Something Unexpected
Character/s: Sawyer/Claire friendship, mentions of Charlie
Spoilers: set just after Eggtown
Summary: The morning that Kate leaves the barracks, Claire comes to Sawyer to ask if he knows where she’s gone.
Disclaimer: Lost isn’t mine. Deal with it.
Author’s Note: I feel so WEIRD writing Conmama! I’ve only written it once before so hopefully I’ve got a fairly decent grasp on the characters, please let me know what you think!
~*~
There’s only about a dozen of them living here in Othersville and nobody else seems to be up yet so Sawyer comes out onto the veranda with only a cup of coffee and his own loneliness for company. He’s thinking about Kate, about how she stayed with him last night, how he promised to take care of her like he has so many times before.
He’s thinking about how she left him in a huff of indignant anger less than an hour ago.
He isn’t particularly surprised that she slapped him when he made that dig about her coming back to him when she gets sick of Jack again. She’s predictable – it’s as simple as that – and it’s very rare that she can surprise him anymore. The thing is, he knows that she doesn’t mean to hurt people, she just can’t see that she’s not the only one who’s affected by the stupid choices that she makes.
He knows that Kate will be back again at some point, wanting him to comfort her, to take care of her, to stroke her hair and make her feel safe and loved and all those other things she craves. He’s grown used to the back and forth in the past three months but it’s still tiresome. One day he thinks he might turn around and tell her where to stick it but for now he can’t. Despite himself, he’s invested too much in this twisted semi-relationship that they have and he can’t just let it go.
A sudden movement makes him snap his head around in alarm but it’s just Claire, that baby of hers still asleep in her arms as she picks her way carefully across the overgrown lawns, glancing about her as though she’s trying to familiarise herself with her surroundings. She glances up and see’s him sitting there and to his surprise, she makes a beeline for him, striding confidently for once instead of meandering.
He tries to suppress a sigh as she smiles in greeting and steps up to the porch.
“Hi,” she says breathlessly. “You’re up early.”
Sawyer shrugs and brings his mug to his lips as he speaks. “Guess I am.”
“It’s nicer in the morning,” Claire rambles on. “Aaron always wakes up early so I’ve seen a lot of sunsets here y’know? And it’s always nice and cool.”
Sawyer says nothing, just sips his coffee and Claire hovers awkwardly for a moment before inviting herself onto the veranda properly.
“Um…I was wondering if you’ve seen Kate at all today?” she tilts her head at him in that characteristic way she has. “She didn’t come home last night.”
“She left this morning,” Sawyer tells her flatly. “Good ol’ Johnny boy banished her back to the beach.”
Claire blinks in surprise and then drops her eyes, her brow creasing.
“Oh.”
“I don’t think she’ll be back for a while,” Sawyer adds and Claire looks up, real hurt in her eyes and he wonders why she’s so upset.
“She didn’t say goodbye,” Claire says, and she looks slightly offended. “I would’ve thought that maybe…”
“Kate’s not too good with goodbye’s,” Sawyer shrugs. “She didn’t really say goodbye to me either.”
“You mean she just left?” Claire says incredulously. “She didn’t even say goodbye to you?”
“Well she didn’t say goodbye,” Sawyer says slowly. “She yelled at me a bit and then she slapped me – does that count?”
“Why’d she slap you?” Claire asks, frowning.
“Told her a few home truths,” Sawyer sips at his coffee again between sentences. “She didn’t much like ’em so she stomped off all upset. Back to Jack again.”
Claire sinks down on the opposite patio chair uninvited, but Sawyer doesn’t really mind. “I thought she was with you now?”
“She ain’t with nobody,” Sawyer gazes out at the other houses but doesn’t see them. “She never was and I don’t think she ever will be if I’m true and honest with you.”
Claire considers this for a moment and then she nods at the almost empty mug in his hands. “Do you want a refill? I could do with one myself and I’ll bet the stuff in your kitchen is in pretty much all the same places as mine.”
Sawyer stares at her, uncertain at Claire’s sudden friendliness but he holds out the mug nonetheless and Claire takes it, in turn handing Aaron to him. He begins to protest but Claire fixes him with a stern glare and he quails and takes the infant uncomfortably into his arms.
“Just rock him a little till I get back,” she instructs. “It won’t take that long for the kettle to boil.”
Sawyer grumbles under his breath as Claire disappears into the house but she’s back quickly enough, taking Aaron off him again as soon as she’s put the coffee mugs down on the table.
“How come you’re bein’ so friendly all of a sudden?” he asks her and Claire stares at him blankly.
“Friendly?”
“Yeah,” Sawyer feels ridiculous as he gestures between the two of them. “Comin’ over to talk to me, makin’ me coffee…”
Claire shrugs. “There’s not many people here that I’ve ever really talked to. I probably know you and John and Hurley the best. I figure I might as well let those friendships get stronger, you know?”
Sawyer laughs then and Claire looks defensive.
“What?” she demands. “What did I say that was so funny?”
“It’s just…well I ain’t never had anybody I could really call a friend before,” Sawyer admits. “Specially not a woman.”
“You must’ve,” Claire insists. “Everybody has a friend at some point growing up.”
“You ever meet one of those kids that your mama didn’t want you playing with?” Sawyer asks and Claire nods uncertainly. “Well I was that kid. No good for nothing but trouble.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” Claire said reprovingly. “Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone gets angry at the world. Look at all the good stuff you’ve done since you got here!”
Sawyer laughs again then. “Where the hell’ve you been Bessie? You must be mistakin’ me for someone else.”
“You brought that blanket for me and Aaron once,” Claire reminded him. “That was very unexpected – and very sweet.”
“Hugo told me to give it to you,” he says promptly. “It wasn’t my idea.”
“You also cooked that massive feast down at the beach just before Jack got back…”
“Hugo.”
“Well,” Claire says uncomfortably. “You must’ve done something good in your life. You can’t be completely horrible or you’d be creepy like Ben.”
“In case you didn’t realise yet – I’m not a good person little mama,” Sawyer said quietly. “I never did a good thing in my life. I told your limey boyfriend that once upon a-”
He freezes at the unexpected flash of emotion on her face then and he grimaces when he realises what he’s just said, but he doesn’t even both trying to take his words back again. It was just a slip of the tongue really – he didn’t mean to say anything about Charlie at all...
But Claire doesn’t say anything, in fact ignores that Sawyer has mentioned Charlie at all and merely hitches Aaron a little higher in her arms.
“Well maybe... I could be your friend?” she says unexpectedly and Sawyer hoots with laughter. “No, I’m being serious!” she says, looking a little bit offended at his reaction. “Honestly Sawyer, it’s not like there’s anything stopping us from being…”
“Sure there is,” Sawyer says. “You know in the real world the only way we would have ever met would’ve been if I was trying to con you out of some money?”
“Well then we never would have met,” Claire says with a shrug. “I worked in a Fish and Chips shop – I was practically destitute.”
“Exactly,” Sawyer says. “I’m not the sort of person who has friends anyways. I like having enemies better cause you don’t have to worry about them hating you – you already know that they do.”
“That’s a very cynical outlook,” Claire says grimly, sipping at her coffee carefully and then placing it down on the table so that she can lean forward and catch his eye. “But in case you haven’t noticed, we’re not in the real world right now. The normal rules don’t apply.”
“And how do you figure that?”
Claire looks at him with an unfathomable expression then. She doesn’t really look sad but Sawyer’s seen her when she’s happy and smiling and she’s certainly not happy now. She’s not busting out in tears or anything but he can tell that she’s melancholy by the flatness of her manner, the forced quality in her smile.
He wonders if anybody has actually mentioned Charlie to her since she found out. He would say something now if it weren’t for the uncomfortable exchange he had with Hurley on the way to the cockpit. How is he supposed to sympathise with them when he never knew Charlie the way they did? Anything he says will just sound forced and phony.
“Kate’s a fugitive,” Claire says slowly. “And she’s the one who delivered Aaron. Jin’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met but I was talking to Sun once and she sort of insinuated that he used to be part of some sort of Korean mafia type thing. For god’s sake, Charlie was…” she stops herself then but under Sawyer’s gaze she seems compelled to finish her comparison. “I mean, how many heroin addicted rock stars and soon-to-be-mums have you seen mix like we did? I mean in the real world? And you saw what he was like with Aaron – he really loved him.”
She shifts uncomfortably in her chair in the silence that follows and then she swings the conversation back around again, voicing her concluding statement as simply as if she’s reciting an essay.
“Look all I’m saying is that…all these people here with us on this island – they were somebody else before the crash but here…we all got a second chance. Wipe the slate clean you know? Maybe…” her eyes flicker from side to side, as though she’s searching for inspiration, before she meets his eyes again. “Maybe you should stop trying to run away from who you were and start figuring out who you wanna be. You know?”
Sawyer watches her a moment longer in silence. He’s surprised to realise that she’s a lot smarter than he ever gave her credit for. But it’s not as simple as she’s described it and he knows it.
“It’s not that easy,” he says softly. “You make it sound like you’ve just gotta flip some switch or something…”
“You just need to want to change,” Claire insists. “Or something has to come along that changes you whether you like it or not.”
“So what changed you?” Sawyer asks unthinkingly. “If you’ve changed at all.”
Claire drops her gaze to her son in an unmistakable gesture and then glances up again shyly. Her smile is small but for the first time in days at least it doesn’t seem fake or forced.
“A year ago if somebody had handed me a baby and told me to look after them I would’ve laughed at them. Now I can’t imagine what life would be like without him. He’s the most important thing in the world to me.”
“What about Charlie?”
Claire looks surprised and then hurt. “What do you mean?”
“You just don’t seem very sad about him is all,” Sawyer shrugs. “No offence or anything but…”
“Just because I’m not in floods of tears doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still hurt,” Claire says stonily but she looks quite upset now. “I miss him – I do. But it’s hard to miss somebody all the time when you haven’t been able to say goodbye to them properly and nobody wants to talk about it and you’re away from everything that reminds you of them.”
“Sorry,” Sawyer mumbles unthinkingly and Claire just shakes her head.
“What have you got to be sorry for? It’s not like you killed him.” She stands then, Aaron stirring in her arms. “I’m going home now,” she says briskly. “I’ve got lots of things to do. Thanks for the coffee Sawyer.”
She’s halfway down the steps when he calls out after her.
“James.”
Claire turns, confused. “Sorry?”
“My name,” he shakes his head at her. “It isn’t Sawyer. It’s James.”
Claire still looks confused. “So Sawyer’s really…what? Your nickname?”
He shrugs. “I guess.”
Claire stares at him a moment longer and then she nods at him. “I guess I’ll see you around then James.”
“I’ll see you around Claire,” he returns, and then flashes her a quick smile. “If you get bored or somethin’ then come past later on. Hugo’s company get’s a bit much after a while – I could do with some variety.”
Claire’s eyebrows quirk. “I thought you weren’t interested in being friends?”
“I never said I didn’t wanna be friends,” Sawyer tells her. “I just didn’t think it’d work all that good.”
They regard each other for a moment longer and then Claire nods at him and turns toward home. Sawyer watches her walk and when she gets to her veranda she turns and waves at him before disappearing inside.
“Damn world’s gone upside down,” he shakes his head as he collects the coffee mugs and takes them inside to wash them clean in the sink.
Character/s: Sawyer/Claire friendship, mentions of Charlie
Spoilers: set just after Eggtown
Summary: The morning that Kate leaves the barracks, Claire comes to Sawyer to ask if he knows where she’s gone.
Disclaimer: Lost isn’t mine. Deal with it.
Author’s Note: I feel so WEIRD writing Conmama! I’ve only written it once before so hopefully I’ve got a fairly decent grasp on the characters, please let me know what you think!
There’s only about a dozen of them living here in Othersville and nobody else seems to be up yet so Sawyer comes out onto the veranda with only a cup of coffee and his own loneliness for company. He’s thinking about Kate, about how she stayed with him last night, how he promised to take care of her like he has so many times before.
He’s thinking about how she left him in a huff of indignant anger less than an hour ago.
He isn’t particularly surprised that she slapped him when he made that dig about her coming back to him when she gets sick of Jack again. She’s predictable – it’s as simple as that – and it’s very rare that she can surprise him anymore. The thing is, he knows that she doesn’t mean to hurt people, she just can’t see that she’s not the only one who’s affected by the stupid choices that she makes.
He knows that Kate will be back again at some point, wanting him to comfort her, to take care of her, to stroke her hair and make her feel safe and loved and all those other things she craves. He’s grown used to the back and forth in the past three months but it’s still tiresome. One day he thinks he might turn around and tell her where to stick it but for now he can’t. Despite himself, he’s invested too much in this twisted semi-relationship that they have and he can’t just let it go.
A sudden movement makes him snap his head around in alarm but it’s just Claire, that baby of hers still asleep in her arms as she picks her way carefully across the overgrown lawns, glancing about her as though she’s trying to familiarise herself with her surroundings. She glances up and see’s him sitting there and to his surprise, she makes a beeline for him, striding confidently for once instead of meandering.
He tries to suppress a sigh as she smiles in greeting and steps up to the porch.
“Hi,” she says breathlessly. “You’re up early.”
Sawyer shrugs and brings his mug to his lips as he speaks. “Guess I am.”
“It’s nicer in the morning,” Claire rambles on. “Aaron always wakes up early so I’ve seen a lot of sunsets here y’know? And it’s always nice and cool.”
Sawyer says nothing, just sips his coffee and Claire hovers awkwardly for a moment before inviting herself onto the veranda properly.
“Um…I was wondering if you’ve seen Kate at all today?” she tilts her head at him in that characteristic way she has. “She didn’t come home last night.”
“She left this morning,” Sawyer tells her flatly. “Good ol’ Johnny boy banished her back to the beach.”
Claire blinks in surprise and then drops her eyes, her brow creasing.
“Oh.”
“I don’t think she’ll be back for a while,” Sawyer adds and Claire looks up, real hurt in her eyes and he wonders why she’s so upset.
“She didn’t say goodbye,” Claire says, and she looks slightly offended. “I would’ve thought that maybe…”
“Kate’s not too good with goodbye’s,” Sawyer shrugs. “She didn’t really say goodbye to me either.”
“You mean she just left?” Claire says incredulously. “She didn’t even say goodbye to you?”
“Well she didn’t say goodbye,” Sawyer says slowly. “She yelled at me a bit and then she slapped me – does that count?”
“Why’d she slap you?” Claire asks, frowning.
“Told her a few home truths,” Sawyer sips at his coffee again between sentences. “She didn’t much like ’em so she stomped off all upset. Back to Jack again.”
Claire sinks down on the opposite patio chair uninvited, but Sawyer doesn’t really mind. “I thought she was with you now?”
“She ain’t with nobody,” Sawyer gazes out at the other houses but doesn’t see them. “She never was and I don’t think she ever will be if I’m true and honest with you.”
Claire considers this for a moment and then she nods at the almost empty mug in his hands. “Do you want a refill? I could do with one myself and I’ll bet the stuff in your kitchen is in pretty much all the same places as mine.”
Sawyer stares at her, uncertain at Claire’s sudden friendliness but he holds out the mug nonetheless and Claire takes it, in turn handing Aaron to him. He begins to protest but Claire fixes him with a stern glare and he quails and takes the infant uncomfortably into his arms.
“Just rock him a little till I get back,” she instructs. “It won’t take that long for the kettle to boil.”
Sawyer grumbles under his breath as Claire disappears into the house but she’s back quickly enough, taking Aaron off him again as soon as she’s put the coffee mugs down on the table.
“How come you’re bein’ so friendly all of a sudden?” he asks her and Claire stares at him blankly.
“Friendly?”
“Yeah,” Sawyer feels ridiculous as he gestures between the two of them. “Comin’ over to talk to me, makin’ me coffee…”
Claire shrugs. “There’s not many people here that I’ve ever really talked to. I probably know you and John and Hurley the best. I figure I might as well let those friendships get stronger, you know?”
Sawyer laughs then and Claire looks defensive.
“What?” she demands. “What did I say that was so funny?”
“It’s just…well I ain’t never had anybody I could really call a friend before,” Sawyer admits. “Specially not a woman.”
“You must’ve,” Claire insists. “Everybody has a friend at some point growing up.”
“You ever meet one of those kids that your mama didn’t want you playing with?” Sawyer asks and Claire nods uncertainly. “Well I was that kid. No good for nothing but trouble.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” Claire said reprovingly. “Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone gets angry at the world. Look at all the good stuff you’ve done since you got here!”
Sawyer laughs again then. “Where the hell’ve you been Bessie? You must be mistakin’ me for someone else.”
“You brought that blanket for me and Aaron once,” Claire reminded him. “That was very unexpected – and very sweet.”
“Hugo told me to give it to you,” he says promptly. “It wasn’t my idea.”
“You also cooked that massive feast down at the beach just before Jack got back…”
“Hugo.”
“Well,” Claire says uncomfortably. “You must’ve done something good in your life. You can’t be completely horrible or you’d be creepy like Ben.”
“In case you didn’t realise yet – I’m not a good person little mama,” Sawyer said quietly. “I never did a good thing in my life. I told your limey boyfriend that once upon a-”
He freezes at the unexpected flash of emotion on her face then and he grimaces when he realises what he’s just said, but he doesn’t even both trying to take his words back again. It was just a slip of the tongue really – he didn’t mean to say anything about Charlie at all...
But Claire doesn’t say anything, in fact ignores that Sawyer has mentioned Charlie at all and merely hitches Aaron a little higher in her arms.
“Well maybe... I could be your friend?” she says unexpectedly and Sawyer hoots with laughter. “No, I’m being serious!” she says, looking a little bit offended at his reaction. “Honestly Sawyer, it’s not like there’s anything stopping us from being…”
“Sure there is,” Sawyer says. “You know in the real world the only way we would have ever met would’ve been if I was trying to con you out of some money?”
“Well then we never would have met,” Claire says with a shrug. “I worked in a Fish and Chips shop – I was practically destitute.”
“Exactly,” Sawyer says. “I’m not the sort of person who has friends anyways. I like having enemies better cause you don’t have to worry about them hating you – you already know that they do.”
“That’s a very cynical outlook,” Claire says grimly, sipping at her coffee carefully and then placing it down on the table so that she can lean forward and catch his eye. “But in case you haven’t noticed, we’re not in the real world right now. The normal rules don’t apply.”
“And how do you figure that?”
Claire looks at him with an unfathomable expression then. She doesn’t really look sad but Sawyer’s seen her when she’s happy and smiling and she’s certainly not happy now. She’s not busting out in tears or anything but he can tell that she’s melancholy by the flatness of her manner, the forced quality in her smile.
He wonders if anybody has actually mentioned Charlie to her since she found out. He would say something now if it weren’t for the uncomfortable exchange he had with Hurley on the way to the cockpit. How is he supposed to sympathise with them when he never knew Charlie the way they did? Anything he says will just sound forced and phony.
“Kate’s a fugitive,” Claire says slowly. “And she’s the one who delivered Aaron. Jin’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met but I was talking to Sun once and she sort of insinuated that he used to be part of some sort of Korean mafia type thing. For god’s sake, Charlie was…” she stops herself then but under Sawyer’s gaze she seems compelled to finish her comparison. “I mean, how many heroin addicted rock stars and soon-to-be-mums have you seen mix like we did? I mean in the real world? And you saw what he was like with Aaron – he really loved him.”
She shifts uncomfortably in her chair in the silence that follows and then she swings the conversation back around again, voicing her concluding statement as simply as if she’s reciting an essay.
“Look all I’m saying is that…all these people here with us on this island – they were somebody else before the crash but here…we all got a second chance. Wipe the slate clean you know? Maybe…” her eyes flicker from side to side, as though she’s searching for inspiration, before she meets his eyes again. “Maybe you should stop trying to run away from who you were and start figuring out who you wanna be. You know?”
Sawyer watches her a moment longer in silence. He’s surprised to realise that she’s a lot smarter than he ever gave her credit for. But it’s not as simple as she’s described it and he knows it.
“It’s not that easy,” he says softly. “You make it sound like you’ve just gotta flip some switch or something…”
“You just need to want to change,” Claire insists. “Or something has to come along that changes you whether you like it or not.”
“So what changed you?” Sawyer asks unthinkingly. “If you’ve changed at all.”
Claire drops her gaze to her son in an unmistakable gesture and then glances up again shyly. Her smile is small but for the first time in days at least it doesn’t seem fake or forced.
“A year ago if somebody had handed me a baby and told me to look after them I would’ve laughed at them. Now I can’t imagine what life would be like without him. He’s the most important thing in the world to me.”
“What about Charlie?”
Claire looks surprised and then hurt. “What do you mean?”
“You just don’t seem very sad about him is all,” Sawyer shrugs. “No offence or anything but…”
“Just because I’m not in floods of tears doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still hurt,” Claire says stonily but she looks quite upset now. “I miss him – I do. But it’s hard to miss somebody all the time when you haven’t been able to say goodbye to them properly and nobody wants to talk about it and you’re away from everything that reminds you of them.”
“Sorry,” Sawyer mumbles unthinkingly and Claire just shakes her head.
“What have you got to be sorry for? It’s not like you killed him.” She stands then, Aaron stirring in her arms. “I’m going home now,” she says briskly. “I’ve got lots of things to do. Thanks for the coffee Sawyer.”
She’s halfway down the steps when he calls out after her.
“James.”
Claire turns, confused. “Sorry?”
“My name,” he shakes his head at her. “It isn’t Sawyer. It’s James.”
Claire still looks confused. “So Sawyer’s really…what? Your nickname?”
He shrugs. “I guess.”
Claire stares at him a moment longer and then she nods at him. “I guess I’ll see you around then James.”
“I’ll see you around Claire,” he returns, and then flashes her a quick smile. “If you get bored or somethin’ then come past later on. Hugo’s company get’s a bit much after a while – I could do with some variety.”
Claire’s eyebrows quirk. “I thought you weren’t interested in being friends?”
“I never said I didn’t wanna be friends,” Sawyer tells her. “I just didn’t think it’d work all that good.”
They regard each other for a moment longer and then Claire nods at him and turns toward home. Sawyer watches her walk and when she gets to her veranda she turns and waves at him before disappearing inside.
“Damn world’s gone upside down,” he shakes his head as he collects the coffee mugs and takes them inside to wash them clean in the sink.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-03-15 01:19 pm (UTC)I especially like how you've explained Claire's non-expression of her grief over Charlie. It makes sense and really makes me feel for her. Well done!
no subject
Date: 2008-03-16 05:00 am (UTC)I'm still waiting for some sort of reasoning behind Claire's non-grief. As a devout C/C fan I'm rather disgusted at how little she seems bothered about it all. But I guess that's why we have fanfic right?
Thank you for reading and reviewing!