Claire; Foe and Friend

[sapphire_child]

Title: Foe and Friend
Spoilers: an episode tag to Maternity Leave
Summary: Claire muses on Ethan and Charlie and tries to decide which of them is the real monster.
Disclaimer: Lost is by other people and the lyrics in the cut are also by other people (The Fray).
Author’s Note: written for lostfichallenge #58: good and evil

~*~
“Who is he? Ethan?”

“Ethan...Ethan’s the bad guy.”

Claire didn’t remember Ethan very well – and that which she did recall was confused, addled by the drugs he had administered. She remembered how he’d looked after her, how he had taken her on walks and smiled at her and been delighted in the sensation of feeling her baby kick out against his hand.

The clearest memory she had of him was of being chased by him through the rain, his eyes blank and cold. Somewhere inside the sweet exterior, the concern for her wellbeing, was something dark and twisted and horrible. Something that made her clench her fists so tightly that she could feel her fingernails digging into the skin of her palm and making moon shaped indents.

“What happened to Charlie?”

“Charlie? Oh, he's fine. When we got far enough away from camp, I let him go back.”

Some of her earliest memories on the island were of her various exchanges with Charlie. Sweet, funny, drug addicted Charlie. Some of them are still a little scrambled but she remembers him bringing her water, blankets, anything and everything she needed. He was sweet and shy with her, endearing in a way that a Heroin addict shouldn’t have been.

She had only been truly afraid of him once – when he had levelled a gun and shot Ethan at point blank range. The coldness in his eyes was an exact mirror of her pursuer. But then there was an obsessive darkness that clouded both men and it had crept out when Claire had least expected it.

When did foe become friend and vice versa? Claire had seen Charlie steal her son from him – but hadn’t Ethan been going to cut him out of her for research in the first place? At least Charlie’s motives had been to save Aaron – or at least he’d said that’s what he had told her.

Claire looked over the top of Ethan’s unmarked grave to where Charlie was sitting alone with his guitar, back bent under the burden of his own thoughts and worries. She considered the two men for a moment longer, weighing them up in her mind.

Charlie was a technically good man – she knew that. She hadn’t forgotten the love he had tried so desperately to convey to her. She had merely realised the he also had faults and rash impulses just like anyone else. Ethan had been crazy – almost deranged at times with his anger. But he’d had his moments of compassion, when he had admitted to Claire that he would miss her when she was gone. It was then that she had seen a softer side of him, one that made her wonder if he had been all bad as the others presumed.

Nobody knew both Ethan and Charlie as she did. And still Claire was confused about them both. As she stood and brushed the sand from her jeans she wondered vaguely if she could ever go back to the simplicity of a childlike world where there are no shades of grey between bad and good.

It would make everything so much easier.

Comments

[prec1ous-g0llum.livejournal.com]

Love the idea of comparing Charlie and Ethan, but I know what you mean about writing Claire in that head space - I've set myself a challenge of writing something along those lines (as a chapter in an epic fic about how series 2 might have been different if Michael and walt missed the flight) and it's not easy, maybe because I did feel some sympathy for Charlie during that storyline and like you say I wasn't angry at him myself, what I am trying to do with it is write some backstory for Claire explaining why she found it so hard to forgive.
But anyway, loved the story!

[sapphire-child.livejournal.com]

I think I find writing Claire in that time period hard because I can understand her motives for not talking to Charlie but after seeing his side of story and knowing how much he was willing to give up for her...well it seemed very selfish of her to not try and HELP him. Maybe I'm just biased =P

Good luck with your own fic (love the AU idea you've got going on! you'll have to link me to it when you're finished) and thank you for reading my fic ^_^

[prec1ous-g0llum.livejournal.com]

Will do - unfortunately, it's a 26 chapter job (unless I cut one chapter that wouldn't really matter) and I'm on Chapter 4! Think I'm going to start posting it chapter by chapter in my fic journal tellshannon815 soon. Guess I'd better get cracking as I don't want to be in the position where S4 starts and either gives someone backstory that completely makes a mockery of what I came up with or (less likely) I actually got something right and nobody believes I thought of it before that ep was shown!
That was my own reaction to Claire at the time...but Chapter 13: Catch A Falling Star (Claire-centric) of my fic is hopefully going to go some way to explaining her reaction a bit more.

[sapphire-child.livejournal.com]

Ooh wow so very epic then! I might have to check out your writing journal now, have a bit of aread =)

[prec1ous-g0llum.livejournal.com]

At the moment there's only one short fic there about the family of the survivors preparing for their first Christmas without their loved one. I'm actually having to quite heavily edit Chapter 1: Freedom (Sayid-centric) before I post as the original draft wasn't in the format of flashback episodes for each character and I had to move some stuff revealing the true motivations of Cindy the flight attendant and Ben to Chapter 3: New World (Cindy-centric) and Chapter 7: Chosen One (Ben-centric) respectively. I also had it all planned out but then realised that actually I needed another Sun episode (I could go on but would end up giving away the whole plot if I'm not careful, nearly just let slip exactly how Michael and walt missed the flight but that's the twist at the end!)