and life just keeps on going...
Apr. 16th, 2007 08:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sapphire_childGanked from lessien_c
--Go to Google.com
--Click on "more"
--Click on "maps"
--Click on "get Directions"
--From New York
--To London
--Read line #23.
If you laughed, repost this in your journal.
Hokay. So I said the other day that I had some stuff to get off my mind, as in RL stuff, so here goes.
I was going to post about it yesterday but we had a random downpouring of rain which leaked into our meter box and blew up all our fuses so we had NO POWER. Mum and I played Scrabble by candlelight XD
I'm totally stalling aren't I?
ANYWAYS.
So one of my best mates from high school, she broke up with her boyfriend a short ways back because they were having troubles and she was going with another guy at the same time and her ex and I are sort of friends but we'd never really hung out unless she was there. So the other day he msged me and asked if I wanted to come over, hang out, watch some movie's blah blah. I sort of went yeah why not, could do with some veg out time, it'd be cool to see him whatever.
So on the way to dancing I msg him and ask if he wants me to bring anything. He msges back and says no but then txts me again a few minutes later saying maybe I should bring clothes because even though he wouldn't mind clothes being anoptional thing, his brother's at home lol and that might be kind of awkward etc etc. I am starting to get a little wary of the increased flirtiness in his txts over the past day or so. So I go over his house, thinking that he might've invited a few more people over. Nope it's just me and him, his older brother and gf in the house. Right. I am thoroughly relieved that I brought Dead Like Me so we actually have something to do that detracts from the consumption of alcohol. I'm a terrible drinker anyways - if I'm not in the mood to drink then I flat out will not get drunk.
So we watch abunch of Dead Like Me and drink a bit more and chat a bit and he flirts with me a bit and then he tells me that he's flirting with me - which was kind of funny because I was just like "duh" and he laughed too and said he wasn't really being all that serious and I did kind of believe him. At one point we got talking about relationships and stuff and this was when he asked me if I'd had sex. Well actually he just went "have you...?" and left it hanging and I was just like "omg if you're going to ask me if I'm a virgin then just fucking ASK ME." This conversation comes up again later - keep it in mind.
Finally I tell him that I'm tired and I'm going to bed. He gives me a few options - sleep in the spare room, sleep on a mattress on his floor or bunk in with him. At this point I was a little bit tipsy and I was absolutely stuffed from a busy day of work and dancing and staying up too late so I just went "fuck this, I'll bunk in with you so I don't have to wait around for you to make a bed up for me" because he's very precise with making beds. This I remember well from other times I've crashed out at his place after a night out on the town with friends.
So. This is where everything gets a bit odd for me.
I've shared beds with loads of people; friends, family, guys and girls alike and I've had heart to hearts and D&M's with many of the people I have shared the aforementioned beds with. I have held my friends as they cried their eyes out over various heartbreaks and laughed so hard that I fell onto the floor. I've shared a two man tent with three people and ended up sleeping on an xbox but never have I had a heart to heart with one of my best friends exes. He just totally poured his soul out to me and told me how he's still in love with her and all that. I was trying so hard to stay awake and listen to him because obviously he trusted that I wasn't going to judge him by what he was saying and he needed somebody to talk to who would understand and be able to empathise.
This is when he brought up the sex thing again. He voiced his amazement that I hadn't lost my virginity yet because I seemed like the sort of person who would've but I just sort of shrugged and he guessed that I hadn't found the right person yet and I confirmed that.
This was also when he apologised for lumbering me with all his problems. I was rather meh about that bit, I'm used to it now after nearly seven years now of all the crazy people I was friends with in high school and all of their various liasions since I met them up until now. So finally he realises that I'm about to konk out but as soon as he stops talking I feel totally wide awake and so in order to help me get to sleep he starts stroking my hair.
I suppose I should mention right now that one of my chief loves is having my head massaged or my hair brushed etc by other people. Thus why I love going to the hairdressers so much cause they wash your hair for you and I just get to lie there in pure ecstasy. I quickly discovered that having a guy stroking my hair, my cheek, my neck etc trying to soothe me into sleep? Doesn't work. Especially when the way he was touching me certainly didn't feel like it was intended to be very platonic. Okay, I could be wrong, maybe I'm ovulating or something and my hormones were just going banana's that day but jeez Louise... I couldn't fall asleep with someone touching me like that! And my neck? Goddamnit I normally hate it when people touch it (as all my high school friends will gladly tell you) unless they touch it in a very specific way and he? Was touching it in that one specific way and I was all out in fucking goosebumps everytime he did it.
So at various times throughout the night I wriggled around a lot but didn't want to roll over because I was terrified he was going to spoon me or something and I don't think I could have coped with that. Before I got up in the morning however, I did finally roll over and of course - probably because I'd been freaking out about it damnedirony gods - he sort of spooned me from a distance and put a hand around my waist.
Gnnnnrgh.
Eventually we both woke up and checked the time and so I lay flat on my back thinking that he coulkdn't make anything out of that position. WRONG. He threw a leg over mine and put an arm around my waist and started snuggling into me and running his fingers over my stomach where my pyjama top had rucked up.
So here's the thing; I like snuggling - I really do. I love hugging people and curling up in bed with people or crawling under a blanket with someone and keeping warm with them but or whatever oh dear Lord. This was all a bit much for me first thing in the morning. Wedozed on and off, me quietly freaking out in my own head. He muttered at one point that if he went too far all I had to do was tell him to stop and he would which was nice but oh help me I couldn't decide whether I'd rather he stop altogether and go back to his own side of the bloody bed or let him do his thing and see just how far he was willing to take this. Eventually the tension got way too much for me - his heart was going at a million miles an hour against my shoulder and his skin was about ten degrees hotter than it should have been as well - and I got up and went to watch more Dead Like Me. He walked me to the train station quite amicably and we parted with a friendly hug.
I think the poor guy was just lonely and in need of some physical affection and the loan of a friendly ear to help him get over the heartbreak of losing someone he had invested so much love and time into. He needed someone to talkto who knew both sides of the story and wouldn't judge and hey - that's me to a T right? But then he also said himself that his heart was going that fast when he was cuddling into me and feeling up my stomach (...that sounds so weird putting it like that but that's seriously what it was like!) and I'm going "oh god don't you dare start falling for me! I don't need this right now!" and it could ultimately fuck up my friendship with my friend as well which would be awful because I absolutely love her to death and would hate for her to hate me. But the thing is, there's no reason for her to hate me and I'm being completely irrational about this whole thing because duh, he's her ex for a reason and there's no reason that I can't be his friend just because they broke up - that's just fucking stupid!
So as you can see, I'm highly confused and very worried about what's going to happen next. I don't think I'll be sleeping over his house alone again - I'm a bit scared to be honest. And I don't mean to be scared of him because he's a gorgeous guy and he is my friend but just...not now you know? Not him.
Sigh.
And thus ends my angsting for the night.
ETA: And why the hell is LJ not sending me my comments by email? I should double check my account details...
lessien_c--Go to Google.com
--Click on "more"
--Click on "maps"
--Click on "get Directions"
--From New York
--To London
--Read line #23.
If you laughed, repost this in your journal.
Hokay. So I said the other day that I had some stuff to get off my mind, as in RL stuff, so here goes.
I was going to post about it yesterday but we had a random downpouring of rain which leaked into our meter box and blew up all our fuses so we had NO POWER. Mum and I played Scrabble by candlelight XD
I'm totally stalling aren't I?
ANYWAYS.
So one of my best mates from high school, she broke up with her boyfriend a short ways back because they were having troubles and she was going with another guy at the same time and her ex and I are sort of friends but we'd never really hung out unless she was there. So the other day he msged me and asked if I wanted to come over, hang out, watch some movie's blah blah. I sort of went yeah why not, could do with some veg out time, it'd be cool to see him whatever.
So on the way to dancing I msg him and ask if he wants me to bring anything. He msges back and says no but then txts me again a few minutes later saying maybe I should bring clothes because even though he wouldn't mind clothes being anoptional thing, his brother's at home lol and that might be kind of awkward etc etc. I am starting to get a little wary of the increased flirtiness in his txts over the past day or so. So I go over his house, thinking that he might've invited a few more people over. Nope it's just me and him, his older brother and gf in the house. Right. I am thoroughly relieved that I brought Dead Like Me so we actually have something to do that detracts from the consumption of alcohol. I'm a terrible drinker anyways - if I'm not in the mood to drink then I flat out will not get drunk.
So we watch abunch of Dead Like Me and drink a bit more and chat a bit and he flirts with me a bit and then he tells me that he's flirting with me - which was kind of funny because I was just like "duh" and he laughed too and said he wasn't really being all that serious and I did kind of believe him. At one point we got talking about relationships and stuff and this was when he asked me if I'd had sex. Well actually he just went "have you...?" and left it hanging and I was just like "omg if you're going to ask me if I'm a virgin then just fucking ASK ME." This conversation comes up again later - keep it in mind.
Finally I tell him that I'm tired and I'm going to bed. He gives me a few options - sleep in the spare room, sleep on a mattress on his floor or bunk in with him. At this point I was a little bit tipsy and I was absolutely stuffed from a busy day of work and dancing and staying up too late so I just went "fuck this, I'll bunk in with you so I don't have to wait around for you to make a bed up for me" because he's very precise with making beds. This I remember well from other times I've crashed out at his place after a night out on the town with friends.
So. This is where everything gets a bit odd for me.
I've shared beds with loads of people; friends, family, guys and girls alike and I've had heart to hearts and D&M's with many of the people I have shared the aforementioned beds with. I have held my friends as they cried their eyes out over various heartbreaks and laughed so hard that I fell onto the floor. I've shared a two man tent with three people and ended up sleeping on an xbox but never have I had a heart to heart with one of my best friends exes. He just totally poured his soul out to me and told me how he's still in love with her and all that. I was trying so hard to stay awake and listen to him because obviously he trusted that I wasn't going to judge him by what he was saying and he needed somebody to talk to who would understand and be able to empathise.
This is when he brought up the sex thing again. He voiced his amazement that I hadn't lost my virginity yet because I seemed like the sort of person who would've but I just sort of shrugged and he guessed that I hadn't found the right person yet and I confirmed that.
This was also when he apologised for lumbering me with all his problems. I was rather meh about that bit, I'm used to it now after nearly seven years now of all the crazy people I was friends with in high school and all of their various liasions since I met them up until now. So finally he realises that I'm about to konk out but as soon as he stops talking I feel totally wide awake and so in order to help me get to sleep he starts stroking my hair.
I suppose I should mention right now that one of my chief loves is having my head massaged or my hair brushed etc by other people. Thus why I love going to the hairdressers so much cause they wash your hair for you and I just get to lie there in pure ecstasy. I quickly discovered that having a guy stroking my hair, my cheek, my neck etc trying to soothe me into sleep? Doesn't work. Especially when the way he was touching me certainly didn't feel like it was intended to be very platonic. Okay, I could be wrong, maybe I'm ovulating or something and my hormones were just going banana's that day but jeez Louise... I couldn't fall asleep with someone touching me like that! And my neck? Goddamnit I normally hate it when people touch it (as all my high school friends will gladly tell you) unless they touch it in a very specific way and he? Was touching it in that one specific way and I was all out in fucking goosebumps everytime he did it.
So at various times throughout the night I wriggled around a lot but didn't want to roll over because I was terrified he was going to spoon me or something and I don't think I could have coped with that. Before I got up in the morning however, I did finally roll over and of course - probably because I'd been freaking out about it damnedirony gods - he sort of spooned me from a distance and put a hand around my waist.
Gnnnnrgh.
Eventually we both woke up and checked the time and so I lay flat on my back thinking that he coulkdn't make anything out of that position. WRONG. He threw a leg over mine and put an arm around my waist and started snuggling into me and running his fingers over my stomach where my pyjama top had rucked up.
So here's the thing; I like snuggling - I really do. I love hugging people and curling up in bed with people or crawling under a blanket with someone and keeping warm with them but or whatever oh dear Lord. This was all a bit much for me first thing in the morning. Wedozed on and off, me quietly freaking out in my own head. He muttered at one point that if he went too far all I had to do was tell him to stop and he would which was nice but oh help me I couldn't decide whether I'd rather he stop altogether and go back to his own side of the bloody bed or let him do his thing and see just how far he was willing to take this. Eventually the tension got way too much for me - his heart was going at a million miles an hour against my shoulder and his skin was about ten degrees hotter than it should have been as well - and I got up and went to watch more Dead Like Me. He walked me to the train station quite amicably and we parted with a friendly hug.
I think the poor guy was just lonely and in need of some physical affection and the loan of a friendly ear to help him get over the heartbreak of losing someone he had invested so much love and time into. He needed someone to talkto who knew both sides of the story and wouldn't judge and hey - that's me to a T right? But then he also said himself that his heart was going that fast when he was cuddling into me and feeling up my stomach (...that sounds so weird putting it like that but that's seriously what it was like!) and I'm going "oh god don't you dare start falling for me! I don't need this right now!" and it could ultimately fuck up my friendship with my friend as well which would be awful because I absolutely love her to death and would hate for her to hate me. But the thing is, there's no reason for her to hate me and I'm being completely irrational about this whole thing because duh, he's her ex for a reason and there's no reason that I can't be his friend just because they broke up - that's just fucking stupid!
So as you can see, I'm highly confused and very worried about what's going to happen next. I don't think I'll be sleeping over his house alone again - I'm a bit scared to be honest. And I don't mean to be scared of him because he's a gorgeous guy and he is my friend but just...not now you know? Not him.
Sigh.
And thus ends my angsting for the night.
ETA: And why the hell is LJ not sending me my comments by email? I should double check my account details...
